Monday, March 30, 2009


Over my lunch break this afternoon I stopped at Barnes & Noble to pick up World War Z. I had assumed that it would hold me over the few days until this little treasure was released.

While exchanging pleasantries along with monies the lovely cashier asked if I had heard about P&P&Z yet. I told her I had heard about it (here) and queried if it was already available. She answered in the affirmative and directed me to the information desk. Her demeanor was so pleasing and her excitement to help a patron was so warm that I was eager to offer Messrs. Barnes and Noble more of my business. You would be quite right to say that my moment with her got me through the following terrible moments with the Lord of the Information Desk.

His unkempt, greyed hair and well worn scowl were sure signs of a person that hated himself even more than he did his job and I would soon learn me as well. His worn down assistant only held himself in his employ because he had to, I assume. I immediately wondered where this young man was in his life that he would bear such a demon's presence and bear it daily. The LotID had just finished his now daily lecture on how the assistant should cut his god forsaken hair, stand up straight and stop whimpering.

It was upon this scene that I imposed myself and the question of the moment, "Excuse me sir, I am searching for a book entitled Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. Could you aid me in my search?" What happened next happened so quickly it is still a blur in my mind only now coming into focus as I write.

The old man's eyes rolled so far up into his head that the action literally bent his neck and attached head in a backwards direction. Stunned I waited and watched to see if his tongue was going to come out next. My penchance for having the least bit of concern for my fellow man was in this case completely unwarranted. He was holding me in disdain and in so much of it that he could not answer me.

At this same time the assistant saw his chance, if but for a little while, to escape his master. His sorrow that his lord wasn't dieing of a convulsion was only slightly tempered by his joy over leading us away from the cruel being and on to my reward. I shant bore you with how long it took to finally get the book in my hands. Just understand that he knew right where it was but we went the long way 'round in order to prolong his all too fleeting freedom.

While the pitiable assistant slowly shambled his way back to his place at the terrible man's side I tried to forget the last few minutes and made my way back to the beginning. The lass and I repeated the same pleasantries but different monies before she realized who I was and asked if I found it without any trouble. I mumbled something and half motioned towards the Information Desk. With sincere understanding in her eyes she assured me, "He makes that same face at everyone."


Qhorin said...

Damn I wish I could write like that. Seriously.

andrew said...

+8 plans to read World War Z
-5 not realizing this group has about 3 copies floating around you could have borrowed
+10 living human customer service interaction syncroization with today's NPR topic.
-7 trying to hard in composition.

Net Score: 6

Try harder to not try so hard next time.

andrew said...

note I really hope you were being sarcastic in your composition poking fun at either earnest 7th graders or P&P.

If not...-100.

avk said...

Wow, Andy. You're a jerk.

Keep not trying. See where that gets you.

w1ndst0rm said...

A WWZ of your own: $10
A zombie filled classic: $10
Getting paid to write a silly short story while at work: $10

Andy realizing too late the only layer of said story: Priceless

For the fun little things in life there's Waters and AVK. For everything else there's Andy The Card.

andrew said...

+10 brevity and clarity
-10 announcing an obvious and well established aspect as if it were a new discovery.
+10 using orignal poster's words against them.
-2 being willing to jump right in the mud along with orignal poster.

Net Score: 8

+1 misappropriation of work resources and time
+5 accuate but boring recap of events
-10 rehash of mastercard commercial

Net Score: -4

any further differences can be settled up in the arena.

avk said...


Using the terse parlance of an internet asshole to your RL friends:

-6.022 x 10^23

Net score: a mole of Fail. RL Fail.

w1ndst0rm said...

I have but two final words to contribute to this discourse - no, discussion - no, can't think of the right word:

Golden Chowa

Gus said...

Math is hard.

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