America, it's time for change. (HOLD FOR APPLAUSE) The current city of Washington is a cesspool. (HOLD FOR APPLAUSE). It’s worse than a cesspool. It’s a bilge pond. (HOLD FOR CONFUSION) I say it’s time we wipe out Washington as we know it and establish a new city of Washington. (HOLD FOR SHOUTS OF "YOU GO, GIRL!") A city I propose that we call..."New Washington". (HOLD FOR UNCERTAIN APPLAUSE) If I run, and if I am elected -- that is, if I let you vote for me – (SWALLOW, SMILE, ADJUST CROTCH – HOPEFULLY THEY’LL HAVE A PODIUM – MUST HAVE PODIUM!)
Read the whole thing here.